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Nothing Beats an Astronaut… We’ll See About That

February 5, 2013

Zero G’s makes me go from 6 to whatever direction I naturally hang in zero G’s. It’s hard to beat the intense training and pure panty dropping awesomeness of going to space. Guess what though, I can’t name a single astronaut and wouldn’t recognize one if I saw them in public.

It’s probably one of the best BS stories you could have if you’re gonna bullshit a bunch of people at the bar. Set up a fake wiki page about yourself before you head out and BAM, complimentary, geosynchronous pussy around your crotch. With pornstars strapping rockets rather than dildos underneath them it’s getting easier and easier to believe any schmuck has been to space. Time to capitalize.

As long as you don’t look like this goofball cosmonaut:


this plan has gotta succeed. I’ll just avoid people I know and pick the chick who looks like they’ll believe anything I say. It’s not really all that different from any Friday in that regard. Granted, once they get my shirt off I’ll have to explain that my time in zero gravity has caused my normal, chiseled form to become the emaciated, skinny guy with a slight beer paunch they see before them.

PS. The mega fine actress in this commercial is Jessica Cook. She’s also the girl that started the whole Susan Glenn AKA “The One That Got Away” meme a couple months back. Absolute stunner.


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