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Guy Claims Aliens Transported Him to a Car Crash Site

February 6, 2013

Huff — The alienating alibi came after deputies responded to a 911 call from a woman claiming someone was trying to kill her. When they arrived on the scene, they found a woman bleeding profusely in a church parking lot, according to Loganville-Grayson Patch. Investigators then found a vehicle in a nearby ditch with the engine running, the wheels still spinning and the two front doors open, but nobody was inside. EMS were called to treat the woman, who was identified as Maryana Ivaskiv, while deputies explored the area around the crash. About 10 minutes after arriving at the crash site, the arresting officer answered a call from a person near the scene complaining about a prowler on their porch, according to the police report. The officer went there and made contact with the suspect, later identified as Lankford, and ordered him to the ground.

“I asked him what he was doing here and he said the aliens brought him there,” the arresting officer said in the report, adding that the suspect thought he was in Lilburn, Ga., a city about 18 miles away. The officer said Lankford’s breath smelled like he’d been drinking alcohol and that his speech was slurred. He also appeared unsteady on his feet and needed help walking back to the crash site.

This was very obviously a close encounter of the third kind. Lilburn to Loganville! 18 miles! That’s certainly not a distance anyone could have blacked out and driven to bring some chick back to their place…. cough cough.

Can’t say ET would be my go to excuse down here in the South though. The Ray Lewis method of saying it was God’s plan or the old staple of blaming a minority are the ways it’s done down here. Plus I don’t think alien abduction is something I would ever admit to, period. It’s like saying that you went to prison for any extended period of time. Everybody just assumes something went in your ass.

PS. Chick’s kind of a smoke. Let’s hope those Eastern European looks didn’t get dinged up too bad. Oh, also that she doesn’t bleed out.

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