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Monopoly Getting Rid of Iron and Adding Cat Token

February 6, 2013

cat

AJC — Scottie dog has a new nemesis in Monopoly after fans voted in an online contest to add a cat token to the property trading game, replacing the iron, toy maker Hasbro Inc. announced Wednesday. The results were announced after the shoe, wheelbarrow and iron were neck and neck for elimination in the final hours of voting that sparked passionate efforts by fans to save their favorite tokens, and by businesses eager to capitalize on publicity surrounding pieces that represent their products. The vote on Facebook closed just before midnight on Tuesday, marking the first time that fans have had a say on which of the eight tokens to add and which one to toss. The pieces identify the players and have changed quite a lot since Parker Brothers bought the game from its original designer in 1935.

The cat, which has no name, received 31% of votes for new tokens.

This is MOB RULE! Goddamit internet. A cat! Replace the iron! This is madness! You’ve officially fucked up an American classic. And fuck you Hasbro for even making cat an option in any online voting format. This article doesn’t mention the other options so I dug a little deeper. Let’s see what could have been…

 Option 1: Helicopter

heli

Yes. Badass. Let’s get a helicopter in Monopoly. Makes perfect sense for choppering my hotel conglomerate owning ass around the board. Cool as shit. You can team up with the battleship guy and collaborate to blow up the thimble which is fucking worthless.

 Option 2: Guitar

guitar

Kinda lame. But I get it. It fits in with everything else. Just random objects and guitars are cool as long as you can play something other than Wonderwall.

 Option 3: Engagement Ring

ring

Well, FUCK THAT. Don’t need to be putting any ideas in anybody’s head with an engagement ring. Plus I don’t want to hear some sappy story about how some guy proposed over a game of Monopoly at an engagement party while I’m searching BYOB strip clubs on my phone.

 Option 4: Robot

robot

Are you fucking kidding me? How did this not win? Look at this little bastard! I can’t think of a good reason it should be a robot but this thing is the clear cut winner right out of the gate. Frankly, I’d rather just keep the game as is, but if something had to win this was the obvious choice. Hasbro screwed up by putting it up against a goddamn helicopter . Basically just split the Awesome Token Party right down the middle giving the stupid fucking cat the clear victory. How is 31% a win btw? Need to get it down to two candidates so shit like this doesn’t happen.

PS. When you start messing with Monopoly you start fucking with my childhood. Monopoly taught me so many life lessons.

  1. Always be in charge of the money
  2. Everything has a price
  3. If you ain’t cheatin, you ain’t tryin
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