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Things I’ll Probably Do this Weekend for my Birthday

February 8, 2013

 Make out with some questionable characters at the bars.

This is mostly just a drunk thing. But that combined with b-day celebrations = poor judgment with some slags. Why? Because they prey on the judgment impaired. Hopefully there’ll be a couple cute girls in the mix before I completely lose my shit. By the end of the night, the drunken close talk will be in full swing and everybody forgives your sloppiness because it’s your birthday. How will they know this?

 I will say it’s my birthday about 900 times

Because when it’s your birthday you kind of just feel entitled to everything. It’s like a get out of jail free card at the bar. Considering I’m going to be an asshole a lot of the time, it’s gonna need to be on the tip of my tongue. Just like…

 Some random chick

Or maybe not random. Could end up with a call to an old hook up buddy. Might run into someone at the bars. Either way the point is happy birthday to me. No promises will be made and at best I will perform adequately. Hopefully I won’t wake up looking like this again:


No recollection of the events leading up to this destruction . Which was all the result of being….

 Black out twice in one day

After tonight I will probably wake up and immediately start drinking tomorrow in fear of a hangover. As a result, I will be blacked out during or right before 5 pm Saturday. I will then pass out for 4-6 hours and awaken to people who want to go to bars. Having slammed a couple drinks I will be well on my way to blacking out again and restarting step one. Which will eventually lead to…

 Absolutely dying on my actual birthday (Sunday)

I’ll probably be drunk till 1 or 2 in the afternoon on Sunday, and then the mother of all hangovers will hit. My parents will want to take me to dinner or lunch and I won’t be able to eat. I’ll go home and lay down on my bed and sweat it out till I have to get up for work on Monday and I will be absolutely miserable until Tuesday morning.

Happy Birthday to ME!


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