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In Michigan, Car Calls, OK; Sucking on Dildo While Driving, Not Cool

February 15, 2013

HuffAccording to an arrest report obtained by The Smoking Gun, police in Trenton, Mich. received a 911 call Monday morning reporting that an individual was “in a silver car sucking on a dildo” at a local park. Sgt. Steve Allen responded, and the concerned citizen pointed out the offending vehicle, which was driving out of a parking area at the park. Allen approached and noted “a flesh-colored dildo” on the passenger seat, according to the report. He says that when he asked the driver what he was doing, the man replied, “Sucking on a dildo, I’m sorry.” He also allegedly “admitted to having a problem with sex toys.” The man, whose name has been redacted from the report, was arrested on a charge of disorderly contact.

Look, we’ve all been there. Long road trip. Howard Stern show comes on SiriusXM and Carmen Electra’s riding the sybian. Sometimes you just lose self control. I’m not one to shove a dildo in my mouth, but hey, to each his own. As long as you keep your eyes on the road and you’re on board with cleaning up the oyster in your jeans at the next gas station, I say SNAP TO IT. This guy made a huge mistake though: Always deny, deny, deny. Doesn’t matter if you’re covered in your own jizz or a vibrator’s skipping around on the dash. Never cop to a cop.

P.S. At any given moment, how many people do you think are driving around with butt plugs in their ass. Like 100% of gay dudes right? I mean, if you could drive around getting blown all the time without anybody knowing, you definitely would right?

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