Bitch has a big forehead. Let’s just get that out of the way.
Huff Po — According to a Las Vegas Metropolitan Police report, local authorities were responding to a call when they encountered the woman, Kara Vandereyk, having sex with the pit bull in her backyard “in full view of the neighbors,” KVVU reports. The Las Vegas Review Journal, citing the same police report, said the woman told police she was bipolar and was unable to remember her name. The station writes that “Vandereyk was naked and on the ground when officers arrived.” She was given a blanket to cover herself and brought to the Clark County Jail. She was charged with gross lewdness.
Always amazed at the names of the official charges for shit like this. Gross lewdness? I could be charged with that rubbing one out on my way to the bank! Doesn’t really do justice to fucking a dog in your backyard. I expect BEASTIALITY or RED ROVER, RED ROVER, SEND YOUR RED ROCKET OVER on this chick’s public record. Of course, she lives in Vegas so she’s probably the least freak of the weak person on the block. Probably sword swallowers doing a donkey show three houses down.
The real question is how into the bang sesh was this chick? At what point are you fucking the pitbull? I really don’t get it. Like how actively was she banging this dog? Gotta imagine she was either doing the prone bone or doggystyle. If she was just limpfishing it on the ground like most of the girls I’ve fucked, she could easily make the case that she never actively fucked Rover at all.
P.S. I wonder how many chicks have gotten banged by dogs while they were passed out blackout? Like a million? I’m honestly convinced it happens all the time and no one ever tells.
P.P.S. Has anyone ever had a dog named Rover?
So I need to go ahead and chime in on one of the hypotheticals that got thrown out on @KFCradio last night:
From how far away could Gronk, the “biggest man who ever lived” throw Adam Schefter over the field goal post?
First of all, KFC’s a functional retard for not knowing how deep an endzone is. “What, like 6 or 7 yards?” Fucking Jabroni. Secondly, given 0 details, Feitelberg was 1000% right in saying Gronk couldn’t do it from any distance. Unless Schefter wants to get basket tossed like a flyer on the competition cheerleading squad, it’s incredibly difficult to throw a person who doesn’t want to be thrown.
All of that aside, the guy who asked the question said Gronk was the biggest man on the planet… I mean I get exaggeration. I do it all the time when I talk about my dick. But Gronk’s not even the biggest guy on his team. He might be the guy who parties hardest, or the most publicly. But talking sheer mass or height? Oh well, Stoolies bein’ Stoolies.
Source — Police say a 33-year-old upstate New York woman accused of hiring strippers for her son’s 16th birthday party has been arrested on child endangerment charges. South Glens Falls police tell local media outlets Judy Viger of Gansevoort faces five counts of endangering the welfare of a child. They say she hired two women who did lewd dances for five teens under the age of 17 during the party at a bowling alley. The investigation began after people concerned about the November party showed authorities racy photos posted online. One showed a scantily clad, tattooed woman clinging upside down to a seated teen as others looked on.
How did MTV’s Sweet 16 not get all over this party? Granted it’s not a high end affair like they’re used to but it’s definitely worth some air time. It would be way better than every other episode of that show where kids just whine and snivel about how their new Beamer is the wrong color or how daddy promised Drake but they got Miley Cyrus instead. I guarantee this kid was fucking appreciative to have Natasha and Lollipop wrap their legs around his head and rub their tits all over his face at the local Brunswick Lanes.
He’s appreciative because he’s got the cool mom. You know the one. She’s single. About 17 years older than her kid. She’s always buddy buddy with him. Buys him and his friends booze to drink in the basement. Pops in to throw a condom at him and his girlfriend when he’s got her bent over the couch. You know, the cool mom. Absolute travesty that she got arrested over this. Guaranteed everybody involved had a great time. Totally victimless crime.
AJC — “I have more attentive children,” Giuliano said. “I’m able to get a lot done with them because they’re sitting on yoga balls.” The giant rubber spheres, also called stability balls, come in different sizes, colors and degrees of firmness. By making the sitter work to stay balanced, the balls force muscle engagement and increased blood flow, leading to more alertness. The exercise gear is part a larger effort to modernize schools based on research linking physical activity with better learning, said John Kilbourne, a professor of movement science at Grand Valley State University in Allendale, Mich. Traditional classroom setups are being challenged as teachers nationwide experiment with yoga balls, footrests and standing desks, which give children outlets to fidget without disrupting class. “It’s the future of education,” Kilbourne said.
Little bit torn on this one.
On the one hand this would have been my worst nightmare in school. I don’t care if you stuck me on a yoga ball or balanced me over a shark tank; I was going to fall asleep in class. You can only listen to passages from Beowulf for about 0.5 seconds before you go completely comatose. That basically means nasty drool covered yoga balls and nodding off and ending up on the gross carpet that’s half fiber and half gum.
On the other hand, kids are fat fat fatties nowadays and a little core strength never hurt anyone. Plus, you know the second that teacher leaves the classroom everybody just starts wrecking each other with bouncy balls. Playing sumo wrestling, dodgeball, and just kicking them as hard as they can hoping it crushes somebody in the face.
Luckily I sit in a comfy chair with a nice obscured view from my boss, so I say yoga ball it up grade schoolers! Partially because fat kids disgust me, but also because I can’t wait for the videos of kids getting destroyed by these things.
(Yahoo) Boom! Headshot! Absolutely devastating. Kid’s stick gets stuck in the glass and he King Arthur’s it into Brian Lovell’s face. Totally shattered jaw.
If this kid’s teammates don’t call him Jaws when he gets back, then there’s something very wrong with the world.
HuffPo — A man allegedly overdosed from smoking his girlfriend’s medicated back patch, Greenfield, Wis. police say. But that’s not how the story originally went. According to Greenfield Patch, the girlfriend, 33, called 911, claiming her boyfriend was having some sort of reaction after helping her apply her Fentanyl patch. Upon arrival, paramedics diagnosed the 40-year-old man’s condition as a drug overdose. They also say they found a crack pipe in his pocket — though he later told authorities the pipe must have been left in his jeans from years ago when he used to smoke crack. The man allegedly admitted to smoking the Fentanyl patch by placing it on aluminum foil, lighting it from below, and inhaling with a straw. Officers found such drug paraphernalia in the couple’s “common sleeping area,” Patch reported. Both were arrested on possession charges.
In 2011, Canadian authorities found a drug lab — the first of its kind — producing the substance. Fentanyl can be 6,000 times stronger than morphine when in its pure form.
I wasn’t even aware this stuff existed and this guy’s engineering ways to extract it in his fucking den. Pretty sure that’s the most innovative thing to come out of Wisconsin since Barry Alvarez. Addicts will build a goddamn rocket ship to get high if need be. If you told a bunch of crack heads that they discovered crack rocks on the surface of Mars, they’d build a ship out of their homeless shelters and suck enough dick to buy rocket fuel to get there in 2 years. Some serious motivation in that crew. Just put some household supplies in front of them and give them a 7th grade chemistry textbook and see what new super drugs they come up with.
P.S. Gotta love the old, “that’s from when I used to smoke crack” argument to explain your crack pipe. Like when you find a 20 in your coat pocket from last winter. Pretty much the same thing.
I DO NOT FREE BASE COCAINE
Source — Florida Atlantic is expected on Tuesday to finalize a deal with The GEO Group that includes naming rights for the football stadium, sources have told OwlAccess.com. The deal is believed to be valued at around $5 million, though the term of the contract is not yet known. The GEO Group is a leader in privatizing correctional facilities. Its CEO, George Zoley, holds bachelor’s and master’s degrees from FAU. He has served as a member of FAU’s Board of Trustees and was at one point the Board’s chairman.
POWER MOVE! This just makes sense. It makes a ton of sense. Way to go FAU! Just accepting what their kids and staff would be without football! Love that they can admit this to themselves. This is like watching a girl start wearing cheer leading shorts that say Slut or Whore. Ultimate power move. Knowing you’re a tramp and not caring if daddy or half the school knows it. In this case your university is just a funnel for the local slammer and you don’t even care if the whole world knows it.
They’ll probably just adopt the Steelers prison style throwbacks for jerseys. Maybe start calling their sideline refs the chain gang. Horseplay in the locker room is going to get a little different, and I get the feeling the players are gonna tighten up those sphincters next time somebody drops the soap.
You do you, FAU. Loud and proud and serving 3-5.
P.S. Who’s gonna be the prison bitch? My money is on the kicker but I’d imagine the managers and mascot might be in line for a cock meat sandwich as well.